What Would Satan Drive

In our desperate attempt not to feature a hearse or a car painted an orange hue from the factory -Seriously, that’s what they came up with?- for Halloween, one of the concepts we conjured up was the question, “What would Satan drive?”

In the ironically beleaguered television show Lucifer, the Lord of Hell drives a mildly customized C1 Corvette. But that seemed too Hollywood (which is another kind of Hell); he’d drive whatever he darn well pleased and most likely something that is a major polluter. Not that the 'Vette isn't...and there will be no diesel VW jokes here, thank you very much. No, the car would need to have a nameplate related to whom or what he was. Ah, now we’re getting somewhere.

So we put our thinking caps on and these are the vehicles we came up with that include a name related to bad old Ash-Shaytan. We’ve included examples currently for sale if we could find one and a tiny bit of buying advice.

Photo: eBay

Lamborghini Diablo: To suggest that REVolutionaries actually buy a temperamental, ridiculously expensive Italian supercar would case, well, an uprising and surely there’d be pitchforks and torches involved. Heaven forbid! No, the real answer is obvious…buy a far more reasonable replica and drive it like you stole it! Here’s a 2001 Acura NSX-based Lamborghini Diablo replica for your consideration that we’d be thrilled to own and drive.

1971-1972 Dodge Demon: The Dodge Demon 340 was a special edition of the Dart and is notable because religious groups were so upset over the cute little cartoon devil decals that it was changed to the Dart Sport after 1972. Watch out for the expected rust and be aware that it might be a bit tricky replacing soft trim bits. Here's a fantastic example of a 1972 Dodge Demon for sale.

Photo: eBay

Jeep Wrangler El Diablo: The El Diablo is a $73,000 customized Jeep Wrangler, created by Starwood Motors in Texas. It includes unique bodywork, a black Kevlar paint job with red stripes, upgraded suspension, a leather interior (is that a good idea?) and a monster audio system. We never said it made any sense.

Photo: Starwood Motors

1963-1976 Hillman Imp: Never officially imported to the States (to our knowledge), this alternative to the Mini has been brought over by private collectors and so you can occasionally find one for sale here. There were oodles of special variants of all sizes and configurations. Watch for rust, parts are not a problem if you can wait for overseas delivery and the handling was not particularly good. Also, the Coventry-Climax engines were known to exhibit terrible reliability but that’s most likely been addressed by an owner along the way. In a quick search online we couldn't find one currently for sale, not even a rebadged Sunbeam. But they do crop up if you keep an (evil) eye out for one. Even toy models of this car are becoming a bit rare and pricey.

Photo: Wikimedia Commons

1978-1987 GMC Caballero Diablo: Basically a set of decals on a V6 Caballero, which was essentially the third generation of the GMC Sprint and the same thing as a Chevrolet El Camino, there really wasn’t much that set this variant apart other than that fabulous hood graphic. Tragically, even that was dropped (but the name went on) in 1982. So it begs the question; why bother looking for a true Caballero Diablo? Answer; it isn’t worth it. Instead, in true REVolutionary fashion, buy a superior Super Sport and apply a set of those neato-bandito stickers that you can easily purchase online.

Photo: Phoenix Graphics

2015 Dodge Challenger Hellcat: Is 707 horsepower too much? It is, by about 400 ponies. Doesn’t matter; it exists. Rust is not a problem; if there is you need to call an exorcist, pronto. Here's a brand spankin' new one, appropriately dripping with black paint over a black leather interior. Get your devilish motor running...

Photo: eBay

1983 Plymouth Scamp: The corporate twin to the Dodge Rampage micro-truck, the Scamp was even shorter-lived. The 110 horsepower engine wasn’t half bad in a FWD car-truck (Cruck? Trar?) that weighed only 2,400 pounds and you could even specify a 5-speed transmission. Handling was even better than the 1983-1987 because of the longer wheelbase. Rust is a major problem, as is body parts and trim pieces. Plus, people will shun you as if you have the plague; except the freaks of course, which includes us. There was an earlier Scamp from the 70s too but we’ve chosen to focus on the much rarer oddball. Surprise! These are getting harder and harder to get, like souls. Here's one with only 45K for sale in Kalispell, Montana. The owner writes;  

Photo: Craigslist

"83 Plymouth Scamp GT. 2.2l 5 spd, a/c, adjustable mirrors inside. This is not a Dodge Rampage. It was made by Plymouth in 1983. It has the 5 spd like the Daytonas, and a nicer interior. The Scamp was only made one year, and they only made 1300 GT's. There are only 300 left registered in the US. It is a very clean rust free car. The paint shows some typical wear, but solid otherwise. It has a new Weber carb on it, and lots of extra parts that go with it. Complete engine/trans, passenger door, tailgate, window seal rubber, a/c pump, ignition modules, distributors, carburetors, interior parts. The Daytona turbo engine or Neon engines drop right in and are a common swap into these. $3500 OBO."

The Nissan Rogue was an honorable mention but it was too much of a stretch. Can you think of any more nameplates that fell from grace all the way down to Hades for Beelzebub to tool around in?