El Cheapo Challenge

Ready for a challenge? You bet you are! In our theoretical scenario, we need to replace a wrecked Mazda sports coupe with a car with the following criteria.

• Car is located in the NorthEast
• Under $4K
• Ugly and cheap interior
• Reliable and easy to maintain

But lest us not forget that these cars need to be reliable and easy to work on. All of these cars are exactly that, whether you like them or not. You'll just wish they'd die when you drive them. So, without further ado, here are our picks. We make no promises that we won’t add even more.

2000 Hyundai Tiburon
The Shark ended up looking like a child's toy, even though the Koreans had the best of intentions to create a sporty, cheapo coupe at a good price. They were successful on the last two items but this isn't a particularly sporty car to drive and the interior is really bland and chintzy-feeling. A perfect disposable 5-speed for only $2.5K! It's great that seller doesn't seem to be able to take a picture, too.

2001 Saturn SC2
GM created this brand to take on the dominant inexpensive Asian cars and they weren't half bad. The cars got better and better as as they went. If fact, they got quite good. But not the earlier ones. While they weren't terrible, they were okay to look at but when you got to the actually driving part where the NVH and the horrific interior quality, it was enough to encourage you to take public transportation instead. Don't let the fact that this has a leather interior fool you; the pleather in a city bus is of better quality. Could this be the absolute best $2.5K "punishment" car for anybody? Love that hideous teal color - manly!

2000 Pontiac Grand Am SE
Sometimes you should do as Sting says and set it free. Unfortunately, GM loved the profits generated by the ongoing zero development dollars they invested in the Grand Am too much to put it out to pasture. This grey-mobile has a V6 but we're talking 170 horsepower pushing 3,000+ pounds through a slushbox attached to a less than sporty-tuned chassis. You'd be lucky to see 0-60 in 8.6 seconds but then again, you'd have paid only $1.8K for it so who the heck cares. So boring that you'd need to juice up on Redbull to stay awake just looking at it.

1999 Chevrolet Monte Carlo LS

Another GM slushbox V6 coupe, this time with arguably even worse exterior proportions. As if that wasn't bad enough, you've not only got the fake-looking and feeling wood trim but a horrendous bench seat, too! With this lipstick red paint job, this one might break our rule of being ugly enough that we'd hesitate to drive it. For $2.1K, would you...just wait until you see our next contestant...

2002 Chevrolet Monte Carlo NASCAR Edition 

No, no, no, no...YES! This is PEFECT! This would surely leave a scar driving it. Is it too much? It might be but it's only $3.5K and won't passerby just get a chuckle out it every time they see the driver head for this eyesore, keys in hand. Of course, we're not too sure anybody would appreciate this yellow toad being parked in front of their house, either. Enjoy the single blurry picture and take a gander at the bling-bling wheels!

1995 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme

We gotta theme going here, unintentionally; FWD GM V6 coupes with slushboxes. There's a reason for that; they make great beaters for inexperienced drivers. They're not fast but they're not so slow that they're dangerous like something so suicidal as a diesel M-B, which would be just about the worst, most dangerous car out there for just about any driver. But we digress. Instead, let us bask in the blandness of these blurry photos and not the similarities to the Montes featured above. Somehow, this Olds had better lines despite the ridiculous plastic body cladding. We actually like the headlight treatment. And if our theoretical new owner were deserving, we might try to find him a convertible version of this thing. No! Too much distraction. And yet...whatever. This Olds is a $1.6K bargain if it's in good nick mechanically and all the rest.

1997 Subaru Impreza
We saved the best/worst for last, depending on your outlook on the situation. Slower than the others and the unnecessary AWD would probably complicate the insurance rate issue too much. What car company in this day and age thinks it's important to place the A/C controls high on the dash and bury the stereo down where you have to take your eyes off the road to mess it? That's some true stupidity, folks. We should know, we used to have one of these. Don't even ask us about the rather crappy FWD system. The kids these days mistakenly think this is a "cool" car but we just don't get it. And the interior is super, duper, flagalistic el-cheapo. Like we said, we don't get it but it's a $3.5K option.

Note that these cars will most likely be gone by the time you read this. But they were real and those were real asking prices. Similar examples would be easy to find.