K2 Drives: 2016 BMW i3

I drive BMW's newest wagon and it's not the X1 or a 3-series...

We don't need no stinkin' badge envy, here!

Believe it or not, this is one of the more attractive angles.

Heritage? What's that? Forget everything you know about BMW; the i3 is as far removed from all of that as I can possibly imagine.

This is a wagon, I don't care what they call it. It's just very tall, very square and features very short overhangs, if you look at it from a bird's eye view...i.e. about 30 miles away. And I gotta say, pictures don't do justice how truly unattractive and ugly this vehicle is. I can't remember the last time I looked at a car and thought to myself two things; one, the paint is the most attractive element of the exterior (it really is, frankly) and two, Richard Kim's tortured, nightmarish design makes the Pontiac Aztek actually look purposeful and even sort of desirable (not really).

There is absolutely no cohesion from the side, front to back, where it's at its worst. Imagine designing a car exterior using William S. Burroughs' "Cut Up Method" and that's what you've got in the i3. Who approved this and what was Kim smoking? It's really gawdawful, in person.

As ugly on the outside as it is, the inside is a completely different story; it's gorgeous. Airy, interesting and functional, it's a stunner. Nonetheless, it's the cheap details that start to pop out. For example, on the firewall down near the floor in the center is a wide strap of elastic. There's a couple in the cargo area, too. What are those for? According to the owner, they're for a ladies' purse. But that can't be true, as they're not big enough. I think they're really just for nick-knacks and detritus. Whatever, they look ridiculous and cheap, as if BMW just didn't want a blank space and wasn't sure what to put there.

On the i3, the rear suicide doors are some of the best, most functional I've ever seen. They make the rear passenger seating actually accessible. Most of that is due to the wide opening ark, width of the doors themselves and the height. It works here; extremely well. The rear leg room is a pathetic less-than 32 inches, perfect for legless friends.

The cargo area is small, but that's to be expected on a car this length. I'd give the i3 high marks for interior space utility. Unfortunately, the mechanicals force an extremely high bumper height; great for loading packages, but not so much for elderly dogs jumping in. And then there's those stupid elastic straps...I'd be tempted to just cut them out.

On to the driving and here's where things get interesting. Unless you've just starting driving BMWs, the i3 is such an alien experience that it really can't be classified as one; it's something else. The steering communicates absolutely nothing, the take-off is silent (though pleasingly powerful) and the regenerative braking (which can be altered via the computer) can take a lot of getting used to. For example, you really can drive this car with just the accelerator. Put your foot into it and off you go, take your foot off and the car quickly and forcefully comes to a stop. Really, it's weird. Sure, it's just like other cars of its ilk, but it's still weird. This i3 did not have the tiny gasoline engine range extender option.

Those are not Photoshoped front tires. They're really that narrow.

You can really tell that the front tires are like bicycle rubber. I mean, they're tiny. There's very little grip in the 155 mm wide meats. You can get snow tires for it, but I'd be a little hesitant to drive it in anything more than a dusting of the white stuff. Maybe it's okay, I don't really know.

This is the smartphone app that can control the i3.

This is the sort of car that you lease, even if that's just the dumbest thing you can possibly do. That way you can unload it after a couple of years and don't have to worry about the inevitable maintenance issues. I have the feeling that the drivetrain is pretty solid, but this is a BMW so there will be a myriad of other tiny, annoying and mystifying issues that pop up. For example, this is like a lot of BMWs that feature frameless windows in that they automatically lower and raise automatically. You just know that's going to break, getting stuck in the up or the down position.

And speaking of cheap, I popped the hood and noted the tiny little storage cubby; what's that for? Holding an extra phone to call your mechanic from the side of the road when you break down or run out of range? There are a couple of access panels, too. They're made out of the cheapest plastic possible and held in place with...velcro?!? Holy cow.

In 2014, this car had an MSRP of over $43K. Current NADA for that car is about $22K...ouch. Welcome to "German engineering".

When I asked the owner why he leased it, his answer was, "Because it's a BMW!" Oy vey. Despite the ridiculousness of that statement, this is a fairly pleasurable and interesting car to drive, especially considering the torque off the line. And with a mpg rating of 137/111, it's a good choice for badge-elite Greenies. It wouldn't work for us and I drove it on a lark, but it was an interesting experience.

That's if you can get past the hideous looks.