BeEmDoubleEww – Fore! Let’s Go Golfing

Time to swab the decks.

Grey. Grey is the color. Greygreygreygrey.

Where am I? Sitting in the X5, I felt like I was on a battleship, there was so much grey. I really liked the classy grey (Titanium Silver Mettalic) paint on this 2005 X5 3.0i with 139K miles on it, but the grey leather interior was just too much. The glossy, fake looking wood trim helped, but it was ultimately depressing. I’d much prefer either brighter tan or full on Darth Vader black. It was like I was driving around in a Seattle rain cloud.

This “SAV” was powered by a V6 rated at 225 hp and 214 torques. I thought it would be a good solution to the mpg issues of the V8, but I was wrong. There’s no benefit whatsoever in this three-ton vehicle, only netting a single mpg in the city and the same rating on the open road in comparison to a same year 4.4i…for the V8! That’s right, the V8 is actually rated as slightly more efficient! “Wait a minute,” you say, “Wasn’t the last one you looked at lighter and didn’t you say a comparable 2016 was only 300 pounds heavier?” You’re right; I don’t know why, but Edmunds rates the 2005 3.0i and 4.4i as 6008 pounds of German flab. Other sources quote the weight back to the more expected 2.5 tons, but I have the feeling the that the truth is somewhere in the middle, based on my test drive.

Weird. I can only imagine a salesman’s answer to the query, “Why is this vehicle so heavy?” as “Well, are you interested in a diesel, instead?”

Both the 2005 V8 and the V6 are rated to tow up to three tons.

So what’s the purpose of the V6? You got it; a lower MSRP. In this case the V6 would have set you back about $41 back in the day. There’s very little chance that a single one of them left the showroom without any options piled onto that price. This one probably crept up on $50K for whomever bought it originally. As this was being offered for sale by a small independent lot, there were no records.

The transmission had been upgraded to a six-speed by the time the 2005 rolled out the door. I couldn’t distinguish any difference except for maybe a little more hunting. But it was still an excellent feeling and functioning unit and the V6 was as nice as any BMW sixer ever was. Meaning, darn nice. To drive. Let’s not talk about maintaining it. Do not look behind the curtain. Nothing to see here, move along move along.

This bad boy had the optional Sport package and it confirmed what I originally thought; the ride in these is terrible. Yes, as a result of the hard, brittle, jiggly-bits-jiggling ride, the handling is probably superior to anything else that was out at the time, especially in the corners. But a premium vehicle should have a premium ride, in my book. BMW needed to figure out a better solution, given the price.

Speaking of, the low-speed steering in both of the X5s I drove was just downright unacceptable, especially considering the wealthy soccer mom target market. I thought the first example may have just been worn out or something, but the second one was also so heavy that it felt like a workout. The Shadowagon is also heavy, but it’s wearing aftermarket wheels and summer tires (now); when the snows get slapped on, that problem goes away. But even with the summers, the effort is acceptable. Not so in the X5s; Popeye forearms are required. Once again, it’s out of synch with the rest of the vehicle.

This one had a couple of interesting optional features, including rear passenger window shades (broken on the driver’s side) and a moving floor in the cargo area, which slid in and out like a shelf. I’ve seen that in Saab wagons and it’s a neat idea if you have use for it. I don’t, it just consumes undesirable vertical space (admittedly not a lot, but still), adds another thing to go wrong and traps dirt and debris under it. I might be tempted to actually remove it.

And speaking of cargo areas, some of you have witnessed one of my many peculiar behaviors; random measuring of bumper heights in parking lots. I like to walk up behind parked vehicles and measure how high the bumper is with my leg. Then I rush home and measure my leg. I know it’s stupid; why not just carry a measuring tape? I never said it made any sense. But the upshot is that the X5’s bumper height is surprisingly low. Impressive really, because many vehicles, regardless of whether they’re a sedan, SUV, crossover or whatever, have bumper heights that at my six foot tall waist, which is bizarre. Yes, it makes it easier to just slide in something you’re carrying. But I have never personally thought to myself, “Gosh, I wish I had a vehicle with bumpers jacked sky-high.”

The ’05 did feel a bit more solid, but I suppose that could be attributed to the fact that it was newer. I know a lot of people feel like the American-made BMWs are inferior to the Euro-made models, but I’ve never seen any proof of that.

I forgot to mention that the process of opening the rear hatch from outside the vehicle is a bit odd if you’ve never done it; pop the glass, then hit a button on the inside to open the whole enchilada. If you’ve never seen it done the button is located in a mysterious place and you’re going to be there for a while searching for it. It’s easier with the remote, but it’s a little crazy how they designed it. Of course, this could be seen as some sort of passive security feature…? Okay, that’s a stretch.

They were asking $7K for this X5. KBB is $7K-$8.8K, dealer. So the asking price was right on the money for this one.

What about the excellent question (thanks, folks!) regarding a comparison between a 5-series and the X5? You’re right, once again. Though there was no 2005 5-series wagon, but you could get one in 2003 (it reappeared in 2006), I can think of several reasons why a person might prefer the X5. My wife really likes sitting tall in the saddle and the X5 certainly provides that experience. Another is shape preference; quick, name all of the people you know that love station wagons and actually presently own one. I’d be surprised if you used more than one hand to count on. You might not even need more than one finger (there’s me and that better be the index, you rascal). But overall, the 5-series is probably a more reasonable buy in most any conceivable way. It’s going to stop and go better, have more cargo space (only 16.1 in the X5, compared to 32.7 in the 5-wagon!) and perform better in pretty much every way. In case you’re wondering, mpg is all that much better though. If you get the V6 wagon, yes. But the 540i is rated at 15/19. KBB on a 2003 540iT is $5K. If you needed AWD, a 2006 530xiT would be $6.5K.

Back to the original question; which is better, a 3-series wagon or an X5? To me, there’s no doubt about which I’d go for – the X5. Just kidding! I’d own a 3-series wagon for sure; unless I needed to haul more than one passenger and then I’d be forced to look at the 5-series. Its tons more fun to drive and I don’t care what other people think of me. Ultimately, these are pretty poor used car purchases unless you’re willing and able to do a lot of the repairs yourself. Or, buy it cheap and be prepared to ditch it the minute things start getting expensive. That’s not a bad plan and I’ve proven time and time again that it actually works. Just don’t get emotionally attached and have a back-up car when the thing goes kablooey. To me, the sole reason to consider a BMW is for the driving experience, certainly not the financial pain of ownership. Here again, the wagon is far superior in every respect.

Long live the station wagon. Wagons rule. Viva la wagon!