After the hosts have been whisked away in their limousines and the
guests solemnly shown the back door out (to avoid the neighbors and
bounty hunters, of course), what happens?
Once the guest is shoved out into the blinding California sun, I try
to latch onto them like a homeless guy looking for a handout. So far,
they've eluded my grasp. But this time my victim wasn't so lucky...
Welcome to the first and possibly last installment of Behind the Garage:
The Daily Turismo (DT) Radio After Show! Depending on whether or not El Jefe allows me
to continue squatting back here and you, my dear DT reader responding to
this carefully crafted crapola, we might have another one in the
future. Like life, there are no promises.
In Episode 7 of the DT Radio Show,
the guest was none other than the newest member of the DT horrifically
underpaid and under-dressed staff and the Official Daily Turismo
Northwest Correspondent (I made that up, just now). Unfortunately, he
wasn't able to hang around for the whole episode but that's what Behind
the Garage is for; to get down to the nitty-gritty minutia that truly
nobody cares about. Except the most rabid DTers of course, for which
there is never enough. Welcome to the club; sorry about the smell.
And so, without further ado, here's our pal Gianni!
K2: So, how did your first and hopefully first of many appearances on the DT Radio Show go?
G: What, I thought I was done and free to go? Behind the garage? Isn't
that where you dump stuff you are too cheap or lazy to dispose of
properly? No, seriously, El Jeffy and CFLo were great and it was fun.
Isn't technology wonderful? It was like I was sitting right there in
the studio.
K2: You didn't get a chance to participate in the ten second reviews, so
here's your chance to lay down the Gianni Law. Tell us how you truly
feel about the Volvo 242 GT.
G: A friend of mine had one back in the late 80's. He bought it used
(of course), and it was in good condition with no rust like most cars
here. After he graduated he got a job in the suburbs outside of
Chicago, and after a couple of winters it was toast. I don't remember
it standing out as far as performance or styling. I guess for a Volvo
person, it was something special.
K2: Give us the word on the BMW M3; the E36.
G: Bargain of the M world and unfortunately a lot seem to be getting
hacked up as they hit the bottom of the depreciation curve. I wasn't
too crazy that it was available as a 4 door. A guy at work back in '98
or '99 bought one new, he gave me a ride in it, short shifting all over
the place. I remember thinking, this is too much car for you, pity to
waste it, you should have bought a regular 3 with an auto. I don't
think I'd ever one one. E30 M3 on the other hand, now you are talking.
K2: How about a muscle car wearing ass-less chaps, the 1968 Dodge Charger with a rainbow flag on the roof; go.
G: I love it as a concept. It offends many different constituencies all at once.
K2: El Jefe had a wonderful, non-sequitur story about the next car; shoot the breeze about the Polski FIAT 126p.
G: As far as I know this or the proper FIAT version was never sold in
the US. There was a Wheeler Dealers: Trading Up where Mike went to
Poland to get one and there was a big customizing scene for these.
K2: Kick out the jams on the Chrysler New Yorker Brougham. I'm not sure
that there was a Brougham in the 80s, as El Jefe and CFlo mentioned on
the show. I know they existed in the 70s, so I'm not so sure but they
did mention the 80s so I think they were focusing on the K-cars. Would
you rock one?
G: When I was a kid we'd always say "Broam, broam!" whenever we'd see
something named Brougham. I think an 80's K vintage would probably be
fun to own for a day, then you'd realize that you were driving a
K-car...
K2: Vee haff vays of making you talk...about the VW Squareback.
G: I agree with the hosts, looks cool from the outside, especially in a
70's color like orange or yellow with 911 style wheels and a surf board
on top. I think from the drivers seat, you'd get tired of the lack of
performance and around here, the sad defroster system would be a big
pain. Like a hamster blowing through a straw as they say.
K2: The "From the Website" segment is always interesting; El Jefe chose
the AMC Concord D/L as the car of the week. What do you say to that;
grapes for a fine wine or you wish this one would fly off a clip to a
fiery grave?
G: Like I said in the comments, there is probably a reason why the current owner tinted the windows...
K2: El Jefe chose the Elva Courier as the latest car that he'd like to
actually buy. Would that have been your choice from the past week or so
or would you choose the Mazda-based Ford Courier as your choice of chick
magnet?
G: I could care less about the chick magnet part, but that Elva must be a
total kick in the pants to drive. I'd love to have one.
K2: You didn't get a chance to answer the question posed to you by some
guy named K2 Mystery Car on the podcast. Now's your chance; what do you
think of the new Alfa Romeo Giulia sedan? Wait, let me get behind this
retaining wall...okay, go!
G: I've been an Alfista since the early 70's, so that gives me zero
credibility to comment on Alfa's (FCA's) product planning. I'm
precisely the person they make sure not to invite to focus groups.
Anyway, I'm not crazy about what FCA is doing to Alfa. My GTV stickered
for $5,300 in 1973. Using the magic of an inflation calculator, that
works out to about $30K in today's sorry, deflated dollar (Fiat currency
- get it?). That is "affordable" to someone of modest means if they
stretched a bit. Today, at least in the U.S. we have the limited
edition 4C that reportedly stickers for around 50K, but really will be
more like 70K and this new sedan that is supposed to go for around $50K.
I don't think I'd consider that affordable. I also think it looks
like a German car with an obnoxiously oversized Alfa grille slapped on.
It doesn't have a distinctive look that you can tell from a distance:
Italian car. You'd probably lose it in a car park amongst the Germans.
I think they are too focused on trying to be the Italian BMW or Audi
vs. being Alfa Romeo. Typically, I'd say I'd wait a couple of years
after it finishes depreciating like a rock, but I'm not really
interested in a sedan unless it was an updated Giulia Super. Fat chance
of that happening. It will probably drive like a German car too. Had
enough ranting yet? Here let my wipe that spittle off you...
K2: The end of "Top Gear" came up at the end of the podcast. Do you have
your own memorial and thoughts on the mother of all car shows?
G: I liked it for what it was: an automotive comedy show. I'm
interested in what it will look like on Amazon Prime. It will probably
be about the same, with a few small tweaks to keep the Beeb from suing
them for trademark infringement, like no Stig for example. They will
still be able to call rubbish cars rubbish. As long as the Am-holes get
people to sign up for Amazon Prime, they don't have to care about the
manufacturers opinions. I'm a bigger Wheeler Dealers fan if you are
asking...
K2: I really enjoyed your spot on the DT podcast. I hope we'll be
hearing from you again real soon...? Are you hungry; want to have some
lunch? Let's see here, I've got some dumpster diamonds and road pancakes
I found a week ago we could grill up...
G: Uh, thanks. I don't eat...
At that point, Gianni was able to escape my grimy grasp and he got away.
He left us with much to cogitate and ruminate over like a bunch of
berry-biting bovines. Until the next DT Radio Show and another episode
of Behind the Garage, that is...!
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