Here's a tiny break from our station wagon roundup. I don't post hilarious CL ads because they don't generate much interest, but this one's a doozy. Is it real? I don't know. If it is, I don't ever need to meet the owner. There are no pictures (surprise!) of this "300mph" vehicle and I haven't changed a single word...
alright here is the deal. if you are not 100% down with the red white and blue I want you to get off this patriotic post.
now for those of you who are American, I have a panty dropping, heart
stopping, neck breaking piece of machinery for you. This fine piece of
american art is top of the line. under the hood we have a full on beast.
Im talking supercharged baby. and no Im not lying. it even says it in
cursive, its like a tattoo for the engine, because tattoos are badass,
and this car is nothing short of badass. I'll show pics to prove it.
its got 164k of the best miles you can get in this world, thats right,
this puppy has been through at least 7 states. all of which are part of
America. im going to run through the Pros and cons now.
Pros-
-premium wheels that dont add horse power, but add manpower. and ladies love man power.
-we have a sun roof that will open and close with a push of just one
button, so when you pick up 4 ladies in this five seater you can stare
into the American view of the stars.
-only two windows work. the driver side and sun roof. thats all the
windows you need to show the middle finger to every sorry ass who gets
in your way when your leaving everyone in the dust.
the other windows dont work but thats because the aerodynamics of this speed demon.
-front right quarter panel theres what some call a dent. i call it a place where a womans rear can have a nice place to rest.
-traction control and anti lock brakes are off. permanently. but whos
needs those? when you're pushing 300mph down the great i95?
-it only gets AM frequencies and plays CDs. so the good news is you can
put in good old nickleback and blast Rockstar while passing through foot
traffic wearing your sick Oakleys that only baseball players wear.
-theres an oil leak but i put it in for weight reduction when i want to go real fast.
-the dashboard looks like a club dance floor with all the lights
blinking and warning signs. so you know this beast is the life of the
party.
-theres a message that says service stability system, but who needs
stability in life when you can just hop in your car and drive away from
it?
-if your making a left turn, dont worry about using the blinker. it
doesnt work but you'll be ahead of everyone anyway, you wont even have
to check your blind spots.
Cons- none. this is a monster and needs to go to someone who is just as badass as the vehicle itself
Take away jet planes and spacecrafts and the only thing this car isn't passing is inspection
call or text.
if you turn this down. you might as well leave this country because you just committed an act of treason.
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